Heal the wound but leave the scar

It's been an emotional but wonderful last couple of days for me. A random girl's day with my mom and by childhood and longtime best buddy turned out to be a wake up call from the holy spirit.

I know who I am, I know who I've been, and I know I'm ever changing and trying to line my life up with the woman God wants me to be. But it's easy to forget how wretched I was. It's easy to forget how much grace has been gifted to me. It's so easy to forget because I am surrounded by people that love me, and that appreciate me, and that tell me how wonderful I am, which is great! But at the same time, if I lose sight of who I was without Christ, and forget that who I am and who you see me as is not me at all- but Christ himself - then what have I learned from it all?

I believe God allows us to go through things and to do things for a reason, and it became exceedingly clear to me after a wonderful talk with my mom and a few verses she shared with me.

2 Corinthians 12:6-10
"Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassing great revelations. Therefore in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me, but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

God is sovereign over every aspect of my life. While he did not cause me to do the horrible things I've done, it is for his Glory that He chooses to forgive me for those things, and in such mercy and grace, His power is revealed. I have been forgiven, so I do not carry the guilt, or the pain, or the shame of any of my sins. But if I forget those things, what have I learned? Not only do I forget who I am when I'm acting out the selfish desires of 'my life', but I also forget who He is and the magnitude of what he's done for me.

I have allowed myself to sweep my past mistakes under the rug, and honestly, I haven't done it purposefully or in any way to 'hide' what I've done. But like I said, it's so easy to forget when you're loving and enjoying the life God has given you, that the cost and the path to this happiness gets lost. There is a beautiful song by Point of Grace called "heal the wound but leave the scar". The lyrics have new meaning for me know, because every time I've sung this song I honestly think of other people - which is strange - but for a singer who tries to fill each song with purpose and meaning, it's what I do sometimes to be sure the song has emotion and the message is portrayed. This is probably because I have always thought that my testimony of salvation wasn't 'interesting' enough. That I could bring more emotion to the song when I take the amazing testimony of my mom and think of how much God brought her through and how many people she has been able to touch and council simply because of the 'thorns' God has placed in her life! And how beautifully and majestically God is Glorified when she shares her testimony to people who only see her gifts, her talents and her beautiful family - that God has redeemed her from so much, and that no one is perfect, save Christ.

I haven't allowed myself to have a beautiful testimony, because it has been easier to just accept the forgiveness and forget about the purpose of the thorns and scars. It was easier to put on the missions application and to tell our pastor that, "Well, I've always known Jesus, but haven't always followed Him, but now I'm back on track." But that isn't what my past was intended for. That wasn't the purpose of God allowing me to fall into temptation and wallow in a selfish, pleasure-seeking world for so many years. That wasn't why he has changed my heart and allowed me to experience the amazing feeling of forgiveness, freedom from the bondage of guilt and shame, of unconditional love and restoration - only to keep my mouth shut!

So many of you have seen me or have known me at my worst. You have heard me say things or seen me do things that make it impossible to understand why I am who I am today - or maybe you think I'm being fake. But on the other hand, so many of you have never seen me at my worst, and have only seen my best. You may think I've always been 'good' and never made mistakes, that I've never felt worthless and disgusting, that I've never sold my body to sin, that I've never hated myself and been too ashamed to even look in the mirror; that I've never struggled with temptation, that my family is perfect and untouched from sorrow, that I've never had doubts, or wondered if I was even worth saving - if I could ever be useful to a God I had ignored, slandered, betrayed, made a mockery of, completely abandoned...

But I have. You may or may not see me either of these ways. But if you do, know this. I am NOT perfect. I am NOT faking. I have NOT ever been 'good'. I have NOT forgotten that I may have gossiped about you, that I may have ignored you or hurt your feelings, that you have seen me drunk, that I was a 'tease' and 'boy crazy', that I used to cuss like a sailor while going to church on Sundays and Wednesdays. I have NOT forgotten who I was, and who I still am without Christ in my life. But I have been forgiven for those things. I have been freed from the guilt and shame when I look backward, which has allowed me to love and to serve and to live in a way that I can move forward without chains to weigh me down.  I still don't know all the answers, I still mess up, but God has changed my heart. I don't want to just 'Go through the motions', and I don't want to forget where God pulled me from - because if I do, than he is so much less glorified through my life, and the last 25 years have all been for naught.

I am free. I am loved. I am forgiven, but these thorns are here on purpose - to remind me of who I am when I take the reigns from Jesus and how much I need him to lead me. To show you how MUCH God can forgive you and how BEAUTIFUL he can make your heart if you allow him to. How incredible it feels to look at a horrendous act of sin and not feel one ounce of shame because that is NOT who I am anymore. That no matter what you've done and who you've been - God can restore you and you will be useful (trust me.. if he can use me, he can definitely use you!). Your life and your past cannot go wasted, either forgotten by forgiveness or tormented by guilt and shame, because if you stay in either of those places, you do not allow God to change you OR the people around you.

My testimony has a lot of embarrassing parts, and I will have to get used to saying them out loud. But I won't have to think about anyone else when I sing this incredible song. Because my life is beautiful, and it's only because of Christ. And when I show you how weak I am - I pray that you will see how strong our God truly is.

I love you all - and if I have ever wronged you or mislead you by my broken witness, shortcomings and failures, please forgive me. I am a work in progress, continually learning and being molded by our creator. Remember, it isn't what we do or don't do that saves us --- It is only Jesus.

"heal the wound" written and originally recorded by Point of Grace, recorded and sung live on this recording by Sally Lewis.

What Amazing Grace

I wanted to thank you all for the outpouring of love for our family over the last week. It has ministered to my Uncle, Aunt and cousins more than you could know. I can't imagine how difficult it is to lose a child under any circumstance.

Tommy Painted this a few years ago with his paint, his hands and a stick. He was a man of many talents!

Tommy was very special. If you were at the service last night, you couldn't have left without knowing just how special he was. I kicked myself and wish that I hadn't been so absent and far away the past 8 years- as I missed great opportunities to know him more. He was plagued and tormented by much, but as his parents said, he never blamed anyone but himself. He never complained and he always tried to make sure he wasn't causing anyone else pain by his actions- and it hurt him worst when he knew he had. He loved unconditionally and without judgement. He was incredibly smart and always well intentioned. But sometimes life holds on to you. Sometimes there are things that seem almost inescapable. The enemy rules these things purposefully, and uses them to keep us from living the life we are capable of in Christ.

But Tommy never stopped searching. He never stopped wanting to be better. And that is how I know that God had not abandoned this beautiful young man. For we do not love on our own account. We do not pursue goodness on our own. It is the call of God that compells us to search for righteousness. Pastor Randy spoke of countless times, good and bad, he had encountered Tommy at his church. To my great joy I learned of 2 mission trips he took to Louisianna after the hurricane. Randy said that Tommy poured his love and charisma on the people they were helping, and that it was a rare gift. But there were times when Randy had to be stern with Tommy, even asking him to leave the church if he was not 'well'. But Tommy, over the next few years, would come back and ask - "Can I be here?" and he would talk, and hug, and come back the next time he was free.

We do not search for God, for goodness, without the knowledge of Grace. I prayed that in all his searching, Tommy found Jesus. While speaking with Randy later, he was convinced at one point during Tommy's visits to Grace fellowship church that Tommy had sincerely made a decision to walk with Jesus. 2 weeks before the accident Randy had seen Tommy again, and noticed how well he looked, how healthy and that he noticed something he hadn't seen before. A light.

Early on Tuesday July 3rd, at the age of 21, Tommy and his friend were hit from behind in their car, run off the road, and hit trees. The car burst into flames and the 2 were killed instantly. Tommy had been through so much in his short life. While there were ups, there had been so many downs. My uncle, while he spoke at the service, was thankful that Tommy was taken at the height of an UP. That Tommy had been well, he had reconciled relationships with his siblings, and was not tormented by so many of the demons he had been fighting for so long.


I learned so much after hearing of Tommy's death. But mostly, I remebered Jesus' words in Luke 14:7 "In the same way, there will be more rejoiceing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."
and Pauls words in Romans 5:18-21
"Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of teh one man the many will be made righteous. The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin icreased, Grace increased all the more. so grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."


I will remember, forever, that Grace is a gift. And there is NO limit to God's Grace, forgiveness, mercy or love. That as the sheep of the Shepherd, our Lord will search out for any of us that strays, and will rejoice abundantly when His lost sheep is found and returned home. That the majesty and the miracle of Grace is so apparent when a life shows how much His Grace is needed. Tommy received Grace, and I am confident that he knew this beautiful gift was offered to him, freely. Praise God.


We sang Amazing Grace yesterday, and while I don't have a recording from the service, this is a recording of us singing it a couple of years ago. Facebook Video of "Grace"

Haiti - Last few days

a month later... :) ... sorry! It's been crazy the last few weeks!
So much has been going on; some wonderful, some sad, some expected, some unexpected - - but all beautifully woven into the tapestry of life God has given us here on earth. We have welcomed new life, and tomorrow we will be saying goodbye to a loved one. In the midst of our uncertainty and sorrow, or in the midst of excitment and elation, God is in control! Praise Him for his unfailing love and for the hope we find in Him.

Brandon will tell you in a couple days about his experiences chaperoning the youth and kids camps with Vineville. He had a wonderful time and was able to witness so many great things!

I didn't want to leave you hanging on the end of our Haiti trip, so I'll finish it out today. It's been a month since we were there, but it still feels like yesterday- so forgive my brain for leaving you out to dry! So here it is, the end of a beautiful trip, Goodbyes to beautiful landscapes and even more beautiful people.

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Today is bittersweet. It will be our last day with sister mario and Mr. mario's family in Gressier. tomorrow we will go to the beach in Jacmel and Friday we fly home.
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We visited the school again this morning. We did the Good samaritan skit. The kids, as usual were too sweet and sang almost every song with us. We prayed over the director and the school before we left, that God would use them to strengthen their community and to protect them and the children they serve.

We arrived at mario's house for the last day of work, greeted by Rodney's smiling face! (I recently learned that while you pronounce ODNE just like that...it is in fact spelled like RODNEY! who knew?) It was so wonderful to see him there. He is such a joyful person and he is more hardworking than most of us! Stevens and Bernie also joined us! We made fast friends with a little boy named Rijkad and a little girl named Senti. Rijkad, only 11, helped us all day too!
We ended up having to move 'sand' which was really more like a thick chalk dust, from one pile at the top of the mountain down to Mario's house for them to be able to use it for mortar. We had 6 buckets and spent the day in assembly lines passing full buckets down and empty ones back up. Many more helpers joined in as the day went on. Wilda and Junior came to visit and she ended up jumping in line! She is so wonderful, and I know God is planting a seed in her heart. She is smiling so much, and only God gives that kind of joy! Steevens was still in pain from his tooth today. We gave him more medicine and prayed for comfort.

It was very hot, as it was every day, but we all worked hard and talked and smiled with our new friends as much as possible, hanging on to every last moment we could. We played frisbee with them on our lunch break and had some AMAZINGLY delicious fresh mango - - which tasted better than any I've ever had in the states!
After a few more hours of bucket passing, we spent time hugging, taking photos, and saying our goodbyes to Mario's family and neighbors - our new family and friends. We prayed for them and asked God to bless their new house that it would be completed quickly and would be a strong foundation for them to build their lives upon. We rode off to smiles and tears and "Arevwa"s. We learned a new phrase - "Pachwen ane si Dye vle" which  means 'next year if God wills'.

Worship was great tonight. We were able to lead the songs again and had such a wonderful time worshipping together at the end of such an emotional day. A young man named David shared his testimony and really touched us all. From the outside, he was just a good looking, strong, 18 year old boy who didn't have any problems. But he shared with us the physical difficulties he has come through - even being in a wheel chair for 3 years - and the emotional pain it caused. He spoke about how alone he felt and that he was even agnostic for a while, blaming God, acknowledging his existence, but feeling trampled on. He shared that his youth minister, Chad, was always there for him, encouraging him. He told us that he found God's purpose for his life while coming on mission trips with their church - to serve - as he is now healed and is pretty much in perfect condition physically. I pray that as he goes to college he remembers his purpose, and remembers God's presence in his life through the hard times, and in the rebuilding of his body and of his spirit. He was an inspiration to many of us, though I'm sure he doesn't even realize it. Such a beautiful testimony and we all loved him more at the end of the evening for sharing his heart.

For more photos of Wednesday: Click Here

Wrapping it up - Thursday - Friday, June 7 - 8:

The beach was AMAZING. it was incredible to be in the blue Caribbean water ( a little polluted with seaweed, but still beautiful!) and turn around to to the shore and see the majestic Haitian mountains! We all got a little burned, but it was a wonderful day. Traveling to and from the beach we had to cross the mountains, so we got a ton of wonderful pictures! Such a beautiful countryside! On the way there, Almando got us some fresh bananas - straight from the tree! They were little and so sweet, YUM!




We had our last worship service and a send off from Pastor Sampson. We stayed up singing, and spending time with our friends and then packed our stuff up before heading to bed.





Friday morning started early, some of the group had to leave for the airport by 6am! We had more time than that, so we were able to get pictures with everyone and give out some last minute hugs. Kathryn was able to leave most of her stuff behind so she didn't have to lug it all back when she hopped back on the plane on Saturday. (She is still in Haiti and will be back at the end of the month! She is having an amazing time and I can't wait to hear all her stories!)

The flights were great, and we even met an evangelical pilot! He was a trip, and was inspirational with his excitement to talk about the gospel. Praying for Michael Harrison, American Airlines pilot and brother in Christ! As he said at the end of the flight, "See you in Heaven!"
We are grateful to be home safely, but are missing our friends and doing God's work in His beautiful country - Haiti. Thank you all for your prayers! It was an incredible experience and we hope to be back to work with our friends at Praying Pelican Missions in the future.

For more photos of Thursday and Friday: Click Here

On to the next step!

We covet your continued prayers and support for our training in Zambia in less than 2 months! If you'd like more information on the training program, visit www.overlandmissions.com/amt . I have been making some cookies for donations toward the program and our future in full-time missions, so please email me or facebook me if you'd like to help out in any way. We fly out on August 27th, so keep praying for strength, courage, and retaining all this knowledge we have been given in his Word so that we may effectively share it with the people of Zambia. We love you so much and thank each and every one of you for your love and support. We are just doing the best we can (which we know is filthy rags in comparison to Christ) to follow His Word and to stay in line with His Will for our lives. We are learning daily to endure the costs and sacrifices, to deal with the tough questions and the judgements from those around us. But know, that no matter what you, or we think is best for us, it is only God who knows. We pray that we have a strong faith to trust him with EVERY single aspect of our lives - not just the easy ones. We pray for you as well, that you would let go of control in areas of your life where you have been stealing the reigns and the Glory from God. Our lives are but a means to his Glory - in all that we are, in all that we say and in all that we do - may we bring Glory to God.

In His Love,
Sally